I remembered tonight the gut wrenching feeling driving out of town and back 'home' over the hill. I never wanted to leave again but week after week, month after month I had to. And so it was. After a match or a visit eventually I would have to set off, and leave, again.
I would savor the last few minutes drive as I headed towards the tops. Once the windmills were in my rear view mirror I knew that was it and I was gone again. Then the last left hand bend and Burnley was gone. I would have driven with my head on backwards just so I could see her for a few seconds longer. And so, my focus once more, turned to getting back, when could I next come back?
I would close up as the journey progressed. Once at Halifax I was no longer me, not relaxed, open and comfortable, just not allowed to be. I didn't know why things would change like this but I knew the only place where everyone was allowed to just be, was Burnley. Was it because it's home or was there more?
I sat having coffee in the town center last week, with my mum, people watching. We both noticed that whether the passer by looked rich or poor, they all looked happy! You may not believe it but they did. Two people strolled by arm in arm, a young couple dressed basically in rags but bloody hell they looked so happy. They looked like they had nothing yet everything. Wonderful. It wasn't just them. We noticed that nobody looked particularly stressed, rushed, beaten down or hard faced. From people we turned to the buildings. Ornate, classic, or not, most of all they were low. More or less so low that the trees were higher, surely, as a tree should be?
There is an overall calmness about this place. The small town versus the city. The difference between harsh and soft, happy and sad, beaten or not. I went on and on and on about the edge, once I had worked out why I would close off and go 'hard' on my journey back from here. We have an edge. And, if you feel like you need to get out then just go, get out, it's walkable in any direction. It's all around us, it's open, it's free and it's absolutely beautiful. If there is no edge you are beaten. The weight is never lifted, you have no space to shed your problem no matter what it is. It stays with you, it hangs there, it gets built upon by another and another until you are weighed down by it all and your whole demeanor drags. You look beaten because you are beaten. You close off to stay strong enough to carry the weight that is attached. I did. There is nowhere to go to shed it. Alcohol removes the weight and lifts it leaving you 'free' to fly for one night. Or so you believe, but thats another story.
So you see how lucky we are? And on the days where maybe you just cant fit in that 'getting out trip' then just look up. Look up at the hills, take a second or two as you walk back from the shop or walk to your car and they will work their magic for you :o) xx
